Real Men

You know what drives me more batty than a woman saying she just wants to "tone up"?  A man who tells me the same thing.  For women I understand it a bit more when they say this.  This is what they have been lead to believe by mass media or within their social circles. When a woman is talking about another woman who is in shape she usually refers to her as toned.  I get it.  But since when did men start describing other men as toned?  Not once in my lifetime have I ever described another guy as toned.  I've used the words lean, ripped, in shape and fat, but never toned.  If any guy ever referred to me as toned I might slap him upside the head.  Apparently some other men are not thinking the same way I am, because I have had a number of guys tell me they just want tone up.  I question whether these guys are real men and then slap them upside the head.  Then after suppressing my furor for a good thirty seconds I come to the conclusion that these are men who are not going to want to do any real strength training, pick up any real weights, or eat any real food.  They are not real men.

I would describe myself as a real man....sometimes too real.  Call it machosim.  Refer to me as Neanderthal Man. Call me want you want.  I am going to call it real. Being a real man I think I have an idea of who real men are and who they are not.  Let's take a look at what makes a man a real man.

• Real men are not looking to tone up.  Real men are looking to lean out or drop body fat or get their fat asses into shape.  Basically they are looking to do anything except tone up.  If they are looking to tone up a nice set of brightly colored neoprene dumbbells would make a nice birthday gift for them.
• Real men train their legs.  They do some variations of squats, deadlifts, lunges, step ups, etc..  Real men do not say that their legs are strong from running or biking.  
• Real men do not care how many calories are in certain beers.  Real men do not drink MGD 55 or some other beer that should not be classified as beer just because they are watching their calories.
• Real men can do chin ups or want to be able to do chin ups if they can not do them.  Real men do not think lat pull downs and chin ups are the same thing.
• Real men do single leg training.  Real men do not think lunges and step ups are just for females.
• Real men realize that they need fat in their diets.  They do not think fat in their diet is going to make them fat.  They realize they need fat in their diet in order to optimize their testosterone levels.
• Real men realize that "ellipticaling" does not count as a workout.  If they do use the elliptical they use it for a warm up or for recovery.
• Real men spend most of their strength training time using free weights or doing body weight exercises.  They do not do the ten machine circuit at the local global gym and call that strength training.
• Real men realize that the leg press and squat are not the same exercises.  They do not update their Facebook status with their latest leg press numbers.
• Real men think the Bosu ball is the biggest waste of $120 around.  They do not do their entire workout standing on the Bosu ball while trying to press no more than five pounds over their head.
• Real men like to move heavy weight, but they like do to do so with good execution.  They do not shorten up their range of motion in order to move more weight and sacrifice their technique.  They check their ego at the door...before locking up their fanny packs.
• Real men can place heavy  dumbbells down on the floor after an exercise without any anyone noticing.  They do not do finish up a set of dumbbell bench presses of 30 pounds and drop them on the floor like they weigh 100 pounds.  
• Real men accept calloused hands as part of their strength training.  They do not wear weight lifting gloves to protect their pretty, delicate hands.

The last thing real men do not do: Real men do not wear skinny jeans, own a pair of skinny jeans, have ever shopped for skinny jeans or have ever had a desire to wear skinny jeans.  Keep it real fellas.